I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
