I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
