i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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