Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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