Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
