What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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