Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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