I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
