One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
