the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
