long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
