You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
