Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
