it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Damn victory sex feels great
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
