The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
