"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
