so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
