On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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