I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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