YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
