Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
