Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
