I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
