She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
