I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
