She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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