hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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