in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
