I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize