So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
