So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
