i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
