i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
