I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
