I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
