remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
