she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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