I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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