and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
