Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
