Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
