just tell him i said nine months
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
