I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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