I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
