did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
