I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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