i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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