If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
