the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This house was built for laser tag.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
