So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
