Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
