Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
