the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
